Asexual Does not Mean Non-Erotic

People on the asexual spectrum may rarely or never experience sexual attraction, but that does not mean they don’t enjoy erotic expression through their libidos and fantasies. Sexual attraction is often erroneously equated with libido, but they are different; Libido is a form of sex drive, and can be compared to the “need to scratch an itch” or feel release, while sexual attraction is the desire to have sex with another person (Mere, 2022). The psychoanalyst Wilhem Reich describes libido as an “overpressure that needs to be released” (Gerber, 2021). Many asexual people experience a libidinal tension that is pleasurable to release and leads to erotic expression. Allosexuals can become better allies by not only distinguishing between libido and sexual attraction, but also by understanding eroticism in the ace community, and as partners, engaging in it!  

Before getting into asexual erotism, I thought it would be useful to look at some studies. I found that an article in the Archives of Sexual Behavior dispelled some common stereotypes; the researchers found that little to no difference exists in terms of porn use and masturbation when comparing ace and allosexual participants, and the study further found ace participants also engaged in solo sexual activities (Nmbi, 2024). Also, a CNN Health article cited a University of British Columbia study that found that half of asexual women and three quarters of asexual men reported sexual fantasy and masturbating, with some fantasy content overlapping with allosexuals, despite the fact that they may not wish to act on these fantasies (Singal, 2016). Fantasies of watching others or fictional characters having sex are present among some ace people. A person may also enjoy the leadup of a fantasy or erotic story that does not ultimately culminate in sex. These fantasies and thoughts can be shared and sometimes acted out with partners, and allosexuals are better allies if they understand the varied forms of asexual erotic fantasy content and expression, rather than assuming that an ace person is devoid of libido, fantasy, and sexual expression. Asexual people deserve to be seen for how they engage in sexual expression and connection, not just for lacking sexual attraction towards others.   

To further elucidate the varied forms of libidinal expression among the asexual community, I will mention a few sub-identities. I found an informative YouTube video from Dr. Kirk Honda of the Psychology in Seattle Podcast , who describes the term “autochorissexual,” now known as “aegosexuality,” as somebody who may enjoy fantasy content or sexual expression that does not directly involve them (Kirk, 2018). Aegoesxuals may have libidos that are just as high or higher than allosexuals and look to share their fantasy content with their partners. On the other hand, lithosexuals experience attraction but don’t want it reciprocated (Lindsay, 2021 ), and cupiosexuals don’t experience sexual attraction but may desire a sexual relationship to please a partner, enjoyment of the physical activity, or a variety of other reasons (Page, 2021). These subcategories may desire erotic connection for a variety of different reasons, and that may take a variety of expressions/forms.

Asexuals identify and express their libidos in diverse ways. Also, romantic attraction, which is different from sexual attraction, can be expressed and experienced by a variety of ace identified people, who may enjoy cuddling and other forms of not explicitly sexual intimacy. While it deserves a blog of its own, I recognize that kink is common among some aces and is also not exclusively sexual. The important consideration for allosexual partners is to not just view asexual people as lacking sexual attraction, but as people who express and celebrate libidinal expression in a variety of ways. I hope that allosexuals can develop a more comprehensive understanding of how aces express their libidos; doing so could lead to the discovery of new erotic connection!

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Bibliography

Gerber, T. (2021, September ). Wilhelm Reich on Pleasure and the Genesis of Anxiety. Retrieved from Philosophy Monthly : https://epochemagazine.org/44/wilhelm-reich-on-pleasure-and-the-genesis-of-anxiety/

Kirk, D. H. (2018, November 19th). Asexuality Deep Drive. Retrieved October 26, 2025, from The Psychology In Seattle (Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-4mcN8YEps

Lindsay, J. (2021 , March 31). Lithsexual/Lithosexual. Retrieved from New Discourses : https://newdiscourses.com/tftw-lithsexual/

Mere, A. (2022, June 22). What Does it Mean to be Graysexual . Retrieved from Healthline: https://www.healthline.com/health/lgbtqia-safe-sex-guide

Nmbi, F. M. (2024, January 11). Deepening sexual desire and erotic fantasies research in the ACE spectrum: Comparing the experiences of asexual, demisexual, gray-asexual, and questioning people. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 53(3), 1031-1045. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-023-02784-3

Page. (2021, January 13). Cupiosexual: When your Asexual but Still Want a Sexual Relationship. Retrieved from poly.land: https://poly.land/2021/01/13/cupiosexual-when-youre-asexual-but-you-still-want-a-sexual-relationship/#:~:text=Anyway%2C%20to%20get%20to%20your,creeps%20in%20lose%20sexual%20interest).

Singal, J. (2016, December 5). Many asexual people still fantasize about sex, study finds. Retrieved from CNN Health: https://www.cnn.com/2016/12/05/health/asexual-fantasies