Intimacy Counseling
Would you like to feel more physically and emotionally connected to your partner? Do you have unique sensory needs that make traditional expectations regarding sex and intimacy difficult to live up to? Do you feel like traditional therapy has not fully addressed your needs for intimacy? The good news is that there are still lots of ways to explore intimacy!
Maybe you have experienced that intimacy therapy is intended to make you have more frequent sex. Maybe you have felt pressure to compare your relationship to other couples. What I have found from years of couples and marriage counseling therapy for intimacy challenges is that there are many factors that contribute to how you and your partner connect, and taking a holistic look is what will help make couples and intimacy therapy more effective.
Drawing on my years of experience working with neurodiverse couples, I have seen a variety of ways that touch, communication, and even planning your routine can lead to enhanced emotional and physical intimacy. I don’t view you or your relationship as lacking in how erotic expression and intimacy are expressed, I view it as a unique expression of the kinds of ways that you and your partner bond!
Virtual and in-person intimacy therapy isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom. It is about both communicating and exploring sexual and non-sexual touch. Couples’ intimacy therapy involves you and your partner exploring what you need from each other, and various ways it is possible to connect. It is not about telling you what intimacy or sex should look like! Many times, there are underlying pressures or expectations that both of you may be bringing that hinder you from having the intimacy that you want!
Have any questions? Send me a message!
Erectile Dysfunction
I understand that erectile dysfunction may impact your relationship. During my years of practice, I have found that ED is not just about physiological aspects, but also the tremendous pressure that so many male identified people feel regarding intimacy and sex. I have found that starting with non-sexual touch may help you and your partner to take the pressure off, freeing you to first explore intimacy in less sexual ways. Often, ED is related to performative pressures being related to the idea of how sex “should look like” or what intimacy should be. Sex is not about a performance. It is about connecting with your partner, and once I can help you refocus on that, challenges with ED begin to heal.
Fantasy
By providing a safe and non-judgmental space, needs and fantasies can be explored! You and your partner may experience some shame regarding your fantasies, feeling as though they are wrong and should not be shared. Intimacy counseling helps to provide a space for both of you to explore fantasies without judgment.
If you and your partner have different fantasies and feel that you are unable to bring them together, we can work together on developing desire maps, writing, and identifying ways of connecting that help you both find your common ground. We often find that there may be aspects of your fantasies that bring you closer, even if you don’t act them out. Hearing each other’s fantasies can be an act of intimacy in and of itself.
Exercises that Work
The exercises we explore for you as a couple are not about just having sex. Rather, they involve touching each other in nonsexual ways to increase interest and stimulation in one another, exploring each other without feeling a lot of expectation or need to perform. Feeling closer to one another, perhaps accompanied by fantasy content, can help you move towards feelings of connection that may naturally lead to sex or other forms of intimacy. The idea is that you can enjoy your time together and feel great at the same time. Sometimes, touching that involves caressing, removing clothes, and kind words can go a long way towards feeling more comfortable.
I would like to share that your self-pleasure, your refractory period, and when and how you connect for intimacy does have an impact. At times, we may focus on exercises you can do alone that will help with intimacy and connection
Allosexual and Asexual People and Couples are Welcomed!
My practice makes a point of being ace inclusive. I have experience working with both allosexual and asexual individuals and couples, and I know that intimacy is defined in such unique ways by different partners. As you will see from my blogs, I also understand that eroticism is expressed in more ways than just sex. Whether you would like to explore fantasies together, practice intimate and erotic touch, role play different scenarios, or simply engage in hugging and snuggling, I understand that it is all valid.
I understand that there are assumptions about ace people perpetuated by society at large that are both inaccurate and harmful. Ace people are just as capable of having loving and meaningful relationships as allosexuals, and there is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction for many people. This is what informs my practice and makes it an intentionally inclusive space!
One Last Message
Wherever you are in your intimacy journey your relationship is not broken! You are complete the way that you are. A lot of intimacy is about building more understanding and not changing who we are. My years of work with neurodiverse couples has taught me that a lot can happen when two people truly listen to and understand each other’s ways of communicating and connecting.
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